Old post about my cancer from supertopo.com
Topic Author's Reply - Sep 23, 2010 - 07:55am PT
(wish ST had spell check)
There are no coincidences. I have no fear of the afterlife. As I told my preacher daddy, I have a Quiet Blasphamous Faith. It makes sense to me, but is so personal that it need not be told. As my favorite philosopher said, the way that can be told is not the way.
My angst comes from a feeling of loss. A loss of health. I have been very angry at the loss of my strength. But that atitude fostors only a poisoned feeling in me. This can not stand.
It occured to me, strangely about the same time you were writting your post, that instead of anger, I really should feel grateful. Grateful that I once had a healthy body that alowed me to be a Bad Ass. Many people are born into this world in a diminished corpse. They will never be able to do the things I, we as climbers, are able to. My body was strong enough to carry my soul up. I am blessed to have had a window of time when I had high adventures, made my own way.
I am calling my new outlook "The Gratitude Attitude". Its the coin flipped to the other side. I feel better thinking about things this way. I hope it lasts.
It is tragic in a way that these bad-ass lessons hit us often near the end, or in the midst of increadible pain.
But like my dad said once, no one learns anything by being comfortable. In fact those in comfort often seek only to maintain that bubble. Pop the bubble. Step out into the void and fall if you must. It will wake you up.
We are off to tour the valley today, maybe TR something.
Life is a trip, hard, rediculous, joyful and sorrow filled. I regret trials and tribulations only while in them. Once through them, I always find out that I have grown, I have expanded, and I have continued.
Paul and Ruth