Old topic post from supertopo.com
Topic Author's Reply - Sep 22, 2010 - 08:34am PT
No word on the tissue samples yet....
I am weaker by the day. 5.7 takes 5.10 effort now. it sucks. Two months ago I was climbing .11+ solid. Yesterday my girlfriend and I went to Fresno Dome. I wanted to take her up her first Grade 3 multi pitch trad climb. That morning I woke up and threw up. Said screw it we are going anyway. Racked up in the lot. everything was fine, except the massive pain in my leg and gut. My girlfriend had a wrecked knee too, so we are all gimped up.
Never ones to stay home though, we gave it a try. Only 5.7, the cancer had me breathing hard, and I feel WEEEEEEEEEEEK! Moved too slow and vomited from pain at about 120 feet or so.
Not good. I knew I could drag my carcass up still, but not guiding my inexperienced girlfriend. She looked nervous. Who wants to see their leaader barf on the route? "That looks hard," she said.
"It's not. I'm just dying babe, thats all. You can do it." But her eyes showed too much concern.
SO. I rapped off of a couple nuts (booty!), cleaned it and abandoned.
It is beyond frustrating to die slow, to have the rack on your back and feel so heavy you cant stand up. I don't quit, and deciding that was the smart thing to do felt like being stabbed.
I could have gone sport climbing. All the logistics have been engineered away. But I had to sell my rack 6 years ago when I grounded from 80 feet and shatteered my back (tree climbing). It was the rack or the rent and medical bills.
I came back fron that, climbed again, but on borrowed gear and with my rope gun posse helping me along. But I want all the way back in.
My mother died last year. I used much of my small inheritance to by a trad rack again. Used to be good at all this. When I found out I was sick I decided to go trad climbing. Not because it is easy or convienent. But because it is hard and scary and forces me to face fear, not cower from pain. And I wanted to honor my mother by climbing with her (re incarnated as my rack of cams).
Life is sufering. That I don't mind.
Dying is Bullsh#t. Make me healthy or dead. This limbo is a torture of the soul.
We are going to Indian Creek for Sushi Fest. Perhaps there will be a few hardpeople there to get a rope up for me so I won't barf on my belay.
Vomit, retreat, pandamonium. I am still going climbing, if I can.